The Tales of (trying to be) Yummy Mummy

As the name suggests, these are the tales of a mother, an everyday mother we see around us  trying to be the best mom as well as struggling to be best wife, daughter, sister and daughter in law. Its story of an ordinary girl who believes that she has an  Extra ordinary family :). Its journey of her mistakes, of her flaws, of her errors and than of her some more mistakes,flaws and errors. 😉

Enjoy.

Komal Burhan

06-01-17

Fourteen

I always wanted to be a writer, well always after I failed to be a doctor, a renowned media designer or a super Model. Anyways jokes apart, I have been making stories in my head for a very long time. These stories change their nature according to my mood. Some time they are happy go lucky kind of stories and some time they are quite gruesome. But one thing is always common in them, me as a protagonist. Since I started this blog some time ago I feel like a writer as well. I have writer’s kind of thought blocks which my husband refers as creative infertility.  He is really sick of them as I always need a bit of shopping, some fine dining or in last case, a holiday to regain my unmatched ability to be creative. Well I can’t blame him; after all I am a high maintenance writer 😆

One day as I was folding clothes and kids were playing nearby, I asked my elder son what he wants to be when he will be grown up like baba, he says that he wanted to be someone who can build houses, bridges or cars.

“Wow honey” I was surprised.” That would be really nice”.

” And you know what I want to be?” my 4 year old exclaims while jumping excitedly on the bed.

“What sweetheart”? I asked.

“I want to be a policeman” he said.

“Oh my god, that will be great, but you have to be strong to be one. So drink your milk.” I said absentmindedly.

Suddenly I don’t know what happened to me but I stopped folding clothes and asked both my kids, “Do you know what your mama does?”

“NO” both said

” Well.” I said ‘ your mama is a writer, so next time if anyone asks you what your mama do ,say she is a writer.”

‘OK Mama’. Both agreed

I felt  a strange feeling of elation. At least my kids know that I am a writer, other than me, two whole, intelligent, handsome and smart men knows that I am a writer. It felt really good.

After few days, we had a get together at my parent’s house. My elder sister was in town after quite some time so we all went to spend the evening with her. Kids were getting really excited after meeting their Khala (finally one more person to spoil them other than nana and nani). Both were jumping, running and playing nonstop. Suddenly my younger one jump on the table and stand on it with the remote in his hand. “Hello, hello” he said in the remote pretending it was mike. All of my family turns their attention towards him. He was looking super cute like that. “Oh wow”, my sister said” look we have a stage show here” every one clapped and he bowed to the audience. I was really happy to see him like that. “So young man, what do we have today” my dad asked him cheerfully.

“I am going to tell you all a secret”

“Really?”, “oh amazing” every one ooh and aaahed him. I was getting bit nervous. These kids are little devils you know, has this weird ability to make you embarrassed in a minute.

“Ok darling, that’s enough” I said, motioning him to come down.” Come down”

“Let him speak, let him do what he wants to do” my mother stopped me.

“Ok”. I gave up.

“So are you ready for a secret” he yelled. My husband shot me a questioningly look. I gave him my I really don’t know what going on look back.

“Yes” we all yelled back.

“Do you know what my mama does” he yelled.

Ok, so that’s the secret, I get bit relax.

“NO” , every one yelled again.

“It is a secret, but I am telling you guys.” My son said softly now. He was really pulling up a show. I couldn’t help myself from smiling.

“She…. “

“SHE…”

Another dramatic pause.

“Please tell us” the audience begged.

“SHE….. POOPS.”

(Well he said a little more explicit synonym for poop but I don’t want to write it.)

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Creative children of a not so creative mother 🙂

Thirteen

Couple of days ago, I texted my husband to bring a bottle of coca cola on his way back to home. He was bit annoyed at my request but bought it anyway. As he enters house, I warmly welcomed him (after confirming a bottle of coke in his hand) and took the bottle to keep it in fridge. While I was doing that he called me,

“Honey…”

“Yes?”

“Can you come here for a minute sweetheart?”

“Oh God, not here and not Now, kids are up”

“What?? O please…” he said bit angrily.” Come here because I need to talk to you”.

Okkk, now that’s sound serious. My mind was racing. Shit, looks like he found out about the order of dresses I made online. Or did he read my whatsapp chats with my sisters… Oh my God, I am dead. I peeked in living area. My phone was far from his reach. Thanks God.. I exhaled slowly and walked towards him. It must be about my phone bills. Why on earth I gave his email id for billing purpose. I am an idiot, albeit a certified one.

“Come here and sit” he said

“Look I am sorry “

“For”?

“For everything I did wrong, today, yesterday or on the day I was born. Please don’t be angry”

“Sweetie, I just wanted to know that I brought a 1.5 liter coke yesterday, and you asked for one more”

“It was finished”

“Oook.” He raised his eye brown. “Look having too much coke is not good”.

“What”???

“I am just saying, love, that….”

“Stop right here” my voice was trembling with emotions. Has he never felt my dedication to coke. I mean it’s the only thing in this world that I can’t quit. After reading, and shopping and ironing my hairs.

“Have you ever opened a brand new bottle of coke? Have you ever heard the beautiful swiish sound it makes? How satisfying is that.”I was feeling myself being pulled in the dreamlike fantasy where there were fountains of cokes and trees of French fries. “ And when you pour down some in your glass.. Have you ever noticed the golden majestic bubbles??? And when you take that one long fulfilling and pleasing swig how much at peace you feel. And you are saying that I am drinking it too much. I only drink a glass.” I paused and remembered him catching me multiple times with my guilty sin so I added. “Well, at a time. And you are saying it’s too much?”

He was still looking at me with raised eyebrows.

“What.” I said

“Shut up”.

And the story ends.

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TWELVE

Few days ago , I was reading a magazine and saw an article about “how to raise kids”. “wow” I thought to myself. “ lets read and see how am I doing at raising kids”?. 10 minutes and 8 pages later I was deep in sea of depression. O M G I have been doing it all wrong. According to the article I was a very bad mother who gave sugar to her kids, let them play and get dirty in backyard, front yard and everywhere in the house. I was an unorganized dumb woman who never put kid’s toys according to their shape, size and color. I never gave them 8 portion of fruits and 3 portions of proteins in their meals. Hell I don’t even know what is the size of portion for kids. I have no time table for my kids. I let them what they want so where am I parenting. I thought miserably. I was considering myself quite good but I was a failure. I will definitely try to be a good mom but, I thought, let’s start from Monday. I mean Monday is start of week and I will be fresh and energetic and less cranky by then. Just as I was having a lucid day dream about having perfect kids, perfect body and perfect eye liner, my phone rings. It was my mother.

‘Hello ami’, I said quite cheerfully.

‘Hi bayta, how are you doing?’

‘Quite good.’

‘How are kids?’

‘They are fine Alhamdulilah’.

‘What they took in lunch today?’

‘Oh, I gave them some chocolate chip cookies.’

‘Bayta, give them some solids. They will never learn to eat. They will be mal nourished and skinny as ever.’

( Oh God, it’s still better than Jam toast I took all my life to school and college) I thought (and here I am now eating everything, birthing two kids and still alive and healthy)

‘Jee ami, I will , for sure.’

‘Ok bayta’’

‘Take care ami, Allah hafiz.

I put my phone down and went to kitchen to grab a drink of chilled coke. A neighboring aunty was sitting in lounge having chit chat with my MIL.

‘Aslamoalikum Aunty,’ I said

‘Hello bayta, how are you?’ she asked

‘I am fine,’ I smiled

‘My daughter just had a son’. She told me

Mashallah,’ I congratulated her happily. ‘What a good news. How is your daughter?’

‘She is fine,’ she replied, ‘she was very happy when I called her.  I asked her not to be a smart phone mama now.’

‘What.’? I asked, quite confused

‘I mean bayta, like you, always giving smart phones to your kids instead of your time.’

‘Excuse me,’ I was quite taken aback

‘Yes ‘, my MIL intervened , ‘now kids prefer smart phones and games more as parents are also busy in these things.’

Ok that was enough for me, so I excused myself quite politely and went back into my den. Which is actually our room of two adults and two kids but has clothes, toys and stuff of like 100 people? The only available place was where I left my magazine. So I sat there. Quietly. Thinking. It’s been 6 years,7 months and few days since I am a mother. And God knows I have tried hard. It’s been 8 years and 4 months since I am married and I haven’t watch any season of Jhalak Dhikla ja, or master chef or even desperate housewifes. I even don’t if it’s on air or not now. I stopped watching movies. I stopped listening music. One thing I still do is reading. What else I do for myself. I gave my everything to my kids and still never ever had a compliment from anyone. Why we are so hard on mothers?. Yes I gave smart phone to my kids. But if smart phones were available at these aunties time, she would have done the same, wouldn’t she? Didn’t she and my mother and every mother of grown up kids let their kids watch ainak wala jin. What we learned from it? Was Bill batori, nasaa chori was good thing to learn? That time was different, this is different. Yes we as kids wander in streets, play with other kids in our neighborhood. But can our kids do that now. I have been married so log and I never went to any of the neighboring house. How can I send my kid there? What choices do I have???

I put my hands on my burning eyes, may be all of them are right. My kids will be very bad kids. Their mother doesn’t floss them two times a day. Whenever it’s their MacDonald day, I don’t let them eat anything 3 hours before so they will finish their happy meals. Yes I am that mean.

Anyways it’s never too late, I told myself. If I can survive giving birth without any painkillers and even without screaming (shouting profanities are not included in screaming, are they?) I will survive this as well. I will make a list of things to do and when to do. There will be no phones (ok less Phones).

So I made a time table for my kids, which goes like this

Home time 2:00 p.m

Washing face and hands and changing clothes 2:10 pm

Lunch time  2:30 pm

Home work time 3:00 pm

Snack time 4:00

Play time 4:30

Dinner time :6:00

Bed time :7:00

OK That’s it. I though. I will follow the time table so I will not be at least unorganized. Now let’s think about meals. I will give them more fruits and may be a piece of chicken today. We will eat healthy and I will be a good Mom. I will be. I just.. I just  have to wait for Monday. Monday is the new day, new beginning. Right? Today is Tuesday so it will be some time. I can do some research about child psychology and will refine this time table. So let’s wait..

For the perfect Monday 😉

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ELEVEN

 

It was a busy morning as usual. I was getting kids ready for school and was bit off mode because of a fight we had last night. I wanted to talk with my husband and he was busy doing face booking and candy crushing. “He doesn’t care about me and my emotions” I thought umpteenth time and went to sleep angrily last night.
As we were about to leave home in the morning to drop kids ( I was not talking to my husband and was VERY ANGRY) my husband came unbelievably close , hugged me from behind and whisper in my ear “I want to kidnap you today”.
OH MY GOD. I was shocked, surprise, happy and blushing. I gave him kid’s bags and immediately changed my pajamas and put on some BB Cream and lip gloss. We went to drop kids and all the way I was thinking what today will bring to me.
I mean he never surprised me in any way. And asking me out in such a romantic cum Se*y manner was a big surprise. May be he want to take me on a breakfast date, I thought or may be on long drive. I really feel ashamed about thinking that he didn’t care about me. Here he is, making an effort to make me happy, I should appreciate it. I was feeling really nervous. We dropped kids and e started driving. I was having butterflies in my stomach. May be we will go to my parents house and then he will take me shopping. Or maybe we will just drive around, listen to some music, have some fast food and enjoy our time together till it’s time to pick kids up.
“Where are we going” I asked him. “We will be there soon honey “he replied. Ohhkk. I thought. We were in quite posh area at that time which was famous for its breakfast. So it’s a breakfast date. I smiled to myself. He keeps on driving until we crossed that area. I was getting very excited. In our 8 year of marriage it was first time ever that he was going to surprise me. Oh God how wrong I was that he didn’t care about me.
“Here we are” he said turning right from a very busy road. I looked around; there was no restaurant in sight.
“Sweetheart are you sure” I asked, puzzled and confused.
“Yes” he said parking the car in a shop.
“What are we doing here” I asked.
“We are here to get car’s oil changed”.
“You ‘kidnapped’ me for this”. I said, surprised
“Yes, I would be bored alone”.

I was right before.

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Ten

Kids are most honest people on this earth. When my elder one was in nursery , one day his teacher called me. After exchanging some pleasantries, she straightforwardly asked me that why I did not teach him at home. Which was quite true. With the one year old younger kid, I barely had time to make him sit and revise bit of his school studies. But being a “customer” at extremely costly school, I refuse to admit. After this conversation, I asked my kid, why you told your teacher that we don’t study at home. He answered, “because we didn’t”. I sighed, “but honey, you should say that we do study at home.” “but that’s not true.” He said” you said to tell the truth always.”  I had nothing to say.

Once I wore a very pretty frock on a wedding. My kids were so excited to see me so dressed up and accessorized.  This was may be first time in their lives. And both said “mama you are looking like Elsa”.

This is not the best compliment I got from them. I remember a day which was a really bad day for me. I forgot to iron kid’s uniform last night and woke up to no electricity. Bread and cup cakes were finished so there was practically nothing for their lunch. After dropping them to school, my husband was getting ready and bingo, no washed socks were available for him. Obviously it result in him announcing me the most careless and unorganized women on this earth. My father was home alone as my mother went to a funeral and I really wanted to go and see him. But my husband plainly refuses as he was really busy that day.  Than when kids came back home, they had lots of home work. My head was aching. I tried to make them do home work but they wanted to play. So they just empty every toy basket. I cleaned, I cooked for them, called my father every hour to check on him, I make them change their clothes, do home work, we played, I cried few times and it was bed time

After getting them ready for bed, I was very exhausted and very emotional. As I was tucking both in, my younger one holds my hand. I was not ready for another tantrum so I asked him to go to sleep please. He looked me with his beautiful eyes, still holding my hand and said “Mama, I love you”. I looked at him, realizing that may be I am a failure for everyone else; I am a champion for my kids. I never felt so good hearing this phrase. “I love you to honey”. I said, teary eyed. My elder son also comes near me, “Mama, you are the best” “really?” I was crying now. “Yes, we love you”.  At that moment I realized, how much I am blessed to have these souls praising me. They knew I was upset and they were trying their best to make me feel good. And trust me, I was elated. I never felt so good, so strong, so positive about myself. It was the best compliment i had,

Ever

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For My Fairy God Father…

Being a girl I was always fascinated by fairy tales. The charm of magic always made me wonder how perfect life could be. I thought it was all fiction until the day I found my fairy God Father. It was you mamo joji. You made my world magical. You were the only man in my life who has the courage to watch double episodes of C-I-D with me. Who listen to my stupid talk. You were the one who pulled me out my introvert self. You were the only one who put an effort to be my friend.  You were the man who made me feel like Cinderella. Other than Abu only you praised me so much. You were that amazing person who could do anything, anywhere any time. I was always in awe around you that I never told you how much you mean to me. You mean a lot to me mamo, even more now when we lost you. Now I realized your place in my heart. You were that good luck charm which was always constant. When I was around you I laughed and I laughed some more. And now when you are not here, I cry and I cry some more. The ache of losing you is also constant now. You were not only my mother’s brother but also my brother, my friend, my fairy God Father.

I miss you, every minute of my life.

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NINE

It was end of summer vacations and start of new term at school. My older one was starting primary one and the younger was about to start his school. As always I make a vow to my self that I will teach my kids with whole dedication and attention without having quick checks on my face book news feeds or reddit.  “it won’t be difficult”. I assured myself. I mean they are two small and adorable kids. How much difficult it could be. I am a grown women and I can handle them. I even put two small tables and chairs in our room so kids can sit on them and we can have a study hour.  So here goes what happened next…

Me : ok kiddos its time for some study now. Come with your school bags and sit on the chairs.

6YO: mama are you a teacher?

Me: yes, honey . mama will teach you now so can do well in school.

6YO: but you can’t be our teacher. Our teacher always have matching bags and shoes.

Me : I am your home teacher that’s why I don’t need a bag.

6YO: but you are not wearing your shoes?

Me : ok, I will wear them in a minute.

4YO: started crying

Me: what happened sweetheart? (I hugged him while he sobbed uncontrollably)

4YO: mama don’t go please

Me: I am not going any where

4YO: but you said you are a teacher and teacher lives in school. She has no other home.

Me: no honey, they also go home when it’s their home time.

4YO: but whenever I go to my class, my teacher is in my class.

Me: because she comes early. Ok now open your books.

6YO: I need to learn some words for dictation.

Me: (checked his diary) yes , so the first word is “black”.

6YO.: yes

Me: spell with me.

BEE , ELL, AAY, SEE, KEY

6YO: what SEE, KEY mama?

Me: beta the alphabets.

6YO: OH, I thought kapray see key.

Me: :-O

4 YO: I want to learn as well

Me: ok say B

4YO: B

Me: L

4YO: but teacher said it C after B, not L

Me: we are learning spellings of Black

6YO: it’s so boring. I am getting sleepy.

4YO: I learn new alphabet of English in school today

Me: wow, what was that?

4YO: daal

Me: that’s Urdu sunshine.

4YO: yes, I know Urdu

Me: ok, tell me what is the thing starting with ALIF

4YO: ALIF MADH AA

ME: K

6YO: I want to do maths.

ME: ok, let’s see what are you doing in school

6YO:  we are doing fractions

Me: ok. How teacher taught you that?

6YO: by sitting on chair.

ME: *facepalm*

 

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Eight

Yes.

Yes. I am a mother.

A mother who get tired, depressed, angry and upset. A mother who is clumsily dressed with an unwashed face. A mother who needed some me time badly. A mother who wants to buy something for herself. A mother who will don’t mind a date night with her husband. A mother who still consider herself teen enough to dance, to watch movies and to have fun.

And NO, that doesn’t make me a bad mother.

I love my kids more than anything in this world. They meant world to me. I am and I will do my best to provide for them. They are surely the best thing happened to me. I know I am blessed and I thank to Allah Almighty for his countless blessings.

But I am also a human being, a women to be more specific. Being a mother doesn’t qualify to be the best cook, best teacher, best pediatrician, best everything. I also get worried. I also get upset. I also get irritated due to lack of sleep.  I sometimes shout as well. Please don’t judge me from my every move. You never know how many times I was up last night. And how much I am emotionally tired as the only thing people around me care about is kids. I care about kids as well. But if I will be not ok, How will I care for them.  Sometimes I want to talk about me. When was the last time I even thought about myself without feeling guilty?  It’s not a crime for the mother to take care of herself. It is ok if she eats before kids. May be she is very hungry and for once want to have something hot.

A mother is doing her best. Appreciate her. Acknowledge her. A simple compliment can make things much better and easier  for her. And please don’t compare her and her kids. She is different from every one. Her children are everything for her. Please don’t set standards. Be gentle. Be kind. Be helpful.

Giving birth and raising kids is surely a tough thing to do and she is man enough to take all the challenges. She is doing it right and she is doing her best. So next time when you see a mother with very stylish top and jeans, don’t think she is bad because she is modern. May be that’s the only outfit in her wardrobe. And she has the right to look beautiful and to feel beautiful.

Yes . I am a mother

And I am proud of it.

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SEVEN

I always wanted to be an organized mom. I was fascinated by those women who has small kids and beautiful ironed ,stain less dresses and perfect hair-do’s with kids perfectly dressed up and behaving properly. I mean what powers they have. Are they super-lady or bat girl type of women? I even wonder once if I could acquire THE MASK from that Jim carry movie to perform my household task little more speedily.  As a harry potter fan,  have tried many spells but no avail 😦

I mean I woke up early, on most days, send kids to school, but never manage to find time to get ready by myself. May be I spend too much time in bathroom in the mornings. But trust me when you know that you will spend the next 18 hours in a whirlwind of ruthless activities. Those 15 minutes of alone face-booking bathroom time is something I needed really badly to keep my sanity.

I do get ready when I go to pick them up but still I am not the yummiest mummy their but yes I have much cleaner clothes and combed hairs. (Sometimes)

One day when I went to pick up my kids, I was looking much better. I was wearing a very stylish shirt which I borrowed shamelessly from my very stylish sister and I had put on some make up as well. As I was waiting for my kids to come, a young mother approached.  “Hi”. She said brightly. “Hello” I was bit surprised. “Is your kid is in primary 1 orange.” She asked.

‘’Yes”

“Well I have made a whatsapp group of mothers, so if you don’t mind, give me your number so I can add you.” she said

I was quite excited. “Yes please, I would love to join.” I gave her my number and we talked a bit. She was a nice girl, about my age and same amount of kids. In the mean time, kids arrive with bags so we said good byes and went to our respective home.

That evening when I was checking my kid’s diary, I found a notice that he will be having Assembly performance the next day.

The next morning, I woke up, get kids ready and when we were about to leave I thought to change the t-shirt of husband into another long shirt from the laundry basket. And took duppata of another dress. And we went to school. While dropping kids we noticed that parents were going inside to watch the assembly performances.

“Let’s go inside” my husband said, ready as usual.

“No, I am looking horrible.”

“Come on, our son will be so happy to see us and he sees you like this most of the time so it’s normal.” He said.

Ok, I reluctantly get of the car. We went inside. Among all well dress mothers I was feeling very nervous. Suddenly I saw her, the girl from yesterday. OH God, she was coming towards me. I managed to smile as she approaches me. HI, I said quite enthusiastically. Hi, she stops and waves some one behind me. Ok, she was not coming for me but stops because of my so bright HI. Yes, she looks at me with puzzled eyes. My throat gets really dry as it was an awkward moment. “Are you a mom” she said.”Yes” ok give me your number; I will add you in our group.” She said quite plainly. The yesterday warmth was all gone.

“You added me yesterday”, I said.

“Really, I didn’t remember meeting you yesterday.”  She looked really confused.

“I am the one in blue shirt yesterday at pick up time.”  I was really embarrassed. She looked shocked. So I mumbled something like a bye and hurriedly went outside towards our car.

My husband follows and when I told him the story, he said that you should be happy.

“Why should I?”

“Because you look good in make up.”

“Really”,

“At least.”

Me :

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SIX

Dear family,

I hope all of you are in the best of your health and happy. I am fine as well and trying to manage my life with two kids and a husband. I may not be succeeding in doing so with an A+ but I think I could get a C. And you know what, my low grades in managing my life is because of you people.

First and foremost its Ami and Abu fault. I don’t know why they never told me that having kids could be so tiring and demanding. They never told me how many sleepless nights they spend raising me and my sisters. They never taught me how they minimized their needs to fulfill mine. They appreciated me so much for a tiny thing that now when I don’t hear a single compliment for all the maximum efforts I do, it hurts. It is, and it was their fault to treat me like I am some one really special. May be I were special to them but life did not like me at all. And I never knew that they know my inside out so well that they found a perfect man for me. (I am still in a shock). They never tell me how much they love me and now when I look at my kids, I understand why?  There is no limit for a parent love for children. If they had every told me all these, maybe there would be less fights, more love.

They raise me very wrong. They taught me to dream, to achieve. They taught me to learn, to explore. Instead they should have told me how to make gol roti. That’s what matters after getting married. They taught me to find a way to be myself. No one likes that. Being myself means being ambitious, adventurous and confident. I am none now. And then the BIGGEST mistake, they made me love books. This passion of reading and writing is in genes. I can’t get rid of it. I can’t clean my cupboards in my spare time. I prefer to read. That is also very very wrong.

The fault is not only of my parents, my sisters are equally blamed. I really want to ask them one day, why? Why both of you spoiled me so much. Why you were so protective for me that I can’t do anything without both of you. Why you were always on my back pushing me for things you thought I could do. Still I don’t know why you think I am a good mother. I can’t even keep my kids socks in one place and in pairs.  You filled my friends circle so well that now sometimes I feel very alone.

I don’t know why you raise me in such a way that I am so adaptable. I have transformed myself according to the new environment and people. I do whatever I can to make them happy.  Sometimes I fail, miserably, sometimes I make it happen. But without constant love and support from you I won’t be able to do anything.

I am nothing without you people.

And that is your BIGGEST, GREATEST fault.

Love,

always yours,

me